I Do Not Speak In Meetings Any More

Here is a decision that is never actually made, and is enormously expensive.

Picture the woman in the room. Twelve people. She has worked there nine years and she knows more about the thing being discussed than anybody at that table except possibly one person.

She says nothing.

Somebody proposes a plan that will not work, for a reason she could explain in about eleven seconds. She has the eleven seconds ready. She does not use them.

And afterward, walking back, she tells herself the same thing she has told herself for about a year now. It was not worth it. It would have gone the way it always goes. Somebody would have said we have already looked at that. Somebody would have said, with a small laugh, that we could talk about that offline.

So she has become sensible.

Except that is not what has happened. What has happened is that a room lost the one person who could have stopped a bad plan, and she lost the thing that made the job interesting, and both of those happened silently, and nobody in that building will ever know a decision was made.

And there is a second cost, which is heavier and slower. Nine months of not speaking has begun to feel like evidence. A part of her has started to reason backwards from her own silence: if I had something worth saying, presumably I would say it. So the silence, which started as a response to how she was treated, has quietly become a statement about what she has to offer.

That is the trap in it. The quiet defends her from one bad moment a week and charges her interest daily.

The promise was about the mouth

There is a conversation in Exodus that is one of the most relatable in the Bible, because it is a man arguing his way out of speaking, and being answered in a way he did not expect.

He gives his reason plainly.

And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. (Exodus 4:10)

Slow of speech. He is not being falsely modest. He genuinely does not think he can do this, and he says so twice in one sentence.

And here is the answer, which is worth reading slowly, because of what it attaches itself to.

Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say. (Exodus 4:12, King James Version)

I will be with thy mouth.

Not I will make you eloquent. Not I will give you confidence. The promise attaches to the physical thing, the mouth, at the moment it opens.

You are promised company at the exact point where the words come out, and Exodus 4 says I will be with thy mouth rather than offering to change your personality (Exodus 4:12), and the Holy Spirit is the one who is present in a meeting room at the second somebody starts a sentence.

And notice that God does not agree or disagree with his assessment. He does not tell Moses he is actually a great speaker. He does not argue with the man's own account of himself at all. He just says go, and adds Himself to the mouth.

You have not been asked to first believe you are impressive, and Exodus 4:12 answers a man's honest self assessment with company rather than with correction, and the Spirit of God is the one who makes that a Tuesday morning fact rather than a story about a burning bush.

The reason not to speak was ruled out

There is a very short exchange in Jeremiah that does the same work in one line.

The young man's objection is age. He says he is a child, he cannot speak, nobody will listen. It is a reasonable objection and it is factually true.

But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak. (Jeremiah 1:7)

Say not, I am a child. The instruction is not about the speaking first. It is about the sentence he keeps saying to himself before the speaking.

Which is the thing that has been running in the woman in the meeting. Not a decision to be silent. A sentence, repeated, about herself, that makes the silence look like realism.

You have been ruled out by a sentence rather than by a room, and Jeremiah 1 begins by dealing with the thing the man kept saying about himself (Jeremiah 1:7), and it is the Holy Spirit who interrupts that sentence long enough for a person to say eleven seconds of something true.

You are not required to feel qualified before you open your mouth, and Exodus 4 has the qualification supplied at the mouth rather than beforehand (Exodus 4:12), and the Spirit of God is the one who supplies it in the room rather than in the preparation.

What this is not

Let me be plain, because this could push somebody into something costly.

This is not telling anybody to challenge their manager in a meeting. It is not. Speaking about the work is a different act from taking on the man, and only the reader can see what the second one would cost in that building.

It is also not saying that silence is always wrong. Sometimes silence is genuinely wise, and knowing when to say nothing is a real skill. The question here is whether the silence was chosen once for good reasons or has become automatic and is now describing her to herself.

And it is not promising the room responds well. It might not. Somebody may well say we can take that offline. That is a possible outcome and it does not make the sentence a mistake.

And plainly: if the going quiet has spread past work, if you have stopped speaking in your own home, if you cannot get out of bed, or if some part of you has begun wanting it all to stop, that is bigger than a workplace. Call or text the 988 crisis line, and say the true version out loud to a doctor or a counselor or a pastor you trust. Getting help is strength.

You are not being sent into a fight, and Jeremiah 1 sends a young man to speak rather than to win arguments with anybody (Jeremiah 1:7), and the Holy Spirit is the one who knows the difference between courage and a costly gesture.